Giving thanks

In case you've had difficulty keeping track of the passage of time this year, you're not alone. So let me remind you: The Holiday Season is upon us! This year it will be ... different. Traditional gatherings will take place virtually. Carols will be silenced, or sung as shower solos. The hubbub of activity will slow to a trickle. And yet, like many of you, I feel there are still things to be thankful for. Here's my shortlist:

• Vaccines that are on their way.

• The health of friends and family. And the actions of all those here in NYC and elsewhere who have valiantly fought the spread, like the brave Germans in this PSA.

• Zoom Theatre with Pipeline Playwrights. We've learned how to use this new platform to share our creative work online. We've been able to stay in touch with our long-time supporters and connect with new, faraway fans.

• Rockefeller the owl. This little guy emerged unscathed from the disappointingly droopy spruce at Rockefeller Center. He's a perfect reminder that surprises happen when you least expect them.

• Clients who embrace the New Normal. I tip my hat to those who've pivoted to virtual annual meetings, interviews, and more, using Zoom, Teams, or Meet as tools for meaningful communication. They've jumped in with both feet and aren't waiting till we can get back to "the way it was before."

And I am very thankful for you, faithful reader, for keeping in touch by sharing your success stories (and sending me new clients). Wishing you a happy--if quiet--Thanksgiving, a time for reflection, rest, and rejuvenation.

Getting out and turning out

I love fall! The crispness in the air, the crunch of leaves underfoot, the opening of the theatre season! This year I've had to modify my expectations. Instead of doing a family Broadway evening, we saw the sights of Manhattan by night on a cruise with Classic Harbor Line. It was relaxing, enlightening, and a bit thrilling to be doing something so out of our daily routine. When we can back out in the world, I am sure many of us will value the events we attend and excursions we take more highly. 

One excursion I hope we will all take (if we haven't already) is the short trip to the voting booth. Or the postbox, drop box, or local election office. There are many variations this year for getting your ballot to where it needs to go. It can be confusing! Fortunately, FiveThirtyEight.com has aggregated all the latest info here.

Voting is one of the most important things we can do as citizens, but our highest turnout for presidential elections in the past fifty years was just over 58%, in 2008. So we all need to pitch in and help family and community members make a plan to vote and act on it. If you need more info, check out TAG10WomenVote .

I wrote my play It's My Party! about the passage of the19th Amendment, largely because that story is so unknown. Every time it's performed or read, audience and cast alike tell me that they learned so much about American women's decades-long struggle to win the vote. On one hand I find it irritating-bordering-on-infuriating that this is all news to them! But I have seen enough U.S. History textbooks to know how cursorily the subject is covered - if at all! 

Since I have always believed that hearts and minds can be opened through experiencing art more effectively than through other ways of learning, it was with great delight that I read this in the Columbus and Starkville, Mississippi Dispatch last week:

"[Robyn] Medeiros . . . said being a cast member of It's My Party! motivated her to register to vote in this year's election. 'When I turned 18, I was so overwhelmed by the transition to college life that I didn't want to add another thing to my plate. I was feeling similarly this year. But after learning about what Alice [Paul] and Lucy [Burns] went through to achieve this right, I couldn't pass it up. There's definitely a power to it, to have a say in how government should be run.' "

So run, walk, bike, drive, hop; get your ballot in the ballot box however you can. To make sure your vote is counted. Because short-distance trips are sometimes the most rewarding.

Bringing in the harvest

The scene at the farmer's market this past Saturday was one of abundance: so much late summer produce available. Perfectly, mouth-wateringly ripe. We've already begun certain food rituals of the season here at my house: making our first ratatouille; grilling eggplant for delicious smoky eggplant spread; freezing the first few batches of pesto from my garden. Good thing I wasn't planning on canning anything this year!

The market is laid out differently now, with more space in between stalls, and there are lines at all the entry points. But the only indication from a produce perspective that this is a fall unlike any other is the dearth of jack-o-lantern pumpkins. One farmer said they weren't bringing them to the City because they doubted there would be much demand for them, since so many seasonal gatherings have been cancelled. But our Governor, who has been pretty strict with all things COVID, said he would not ban trick-or-treating. So maybe we'll see those carving pumpkins there next week.

And even in this unusual fall, I still feel -- when the chill is in the air and the apples are especially crisp --- the urge to think about what I'm harvesting from spring-planted seeds.

• I am harvesting creativity: I started writing my newest play, Saltwater Farm, in January, but the bulk of the writing came between April and August. My need to escape pandemic daily reality combined with extra found time, and that combination allowed me to create a world in another time and another place. My talented cast read the play in two parts. If you missed them, you can check them out on YouTube here (Act One) and here (Act Two).

• I am harvesting consulting opportunities. As many annual conferences and meetings are being reimagined online, I am training speakers to deliver engaging messages and connect more with virtual audiences. I enjoy it, and always have time to help more people. Email me if you'd like to talk about how I can work with you or your organization.

• I am harvesting hope. This pandemic won't last forever, but it will be a slog to get even close to the lives we led Before. Every step of that journey will be worth it if we take that time to begin dismantling the inequities this period has so starkly revealed. In this blog back in June, I mentioned some non-fiction works that helped give me perspective on these issues. Here are two novels that have given me further illumination (and enjoyment!) during this time: the '90's novel Daughters by Paule Marshall and the recent Booker Prize-winner Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo,

• I am harvesting patience. I have to say, I'm not doing too well with this one. But every day offers new chances for improvement.

What are you harvesting?
 

Relaxing in topsy turvy time

The lakeside photo above is from an idyllic week my husband and I spent at a quiet, remote lake in Maine, just the balm we needed to salve our weary souls. After almost five months of sequestration here in NYC (the first two months in a harrowing lockdown), we needed this break. Being away from the home that has become our family workplace (as well as our gym, our restaurant, our movie theatre, our concert hall), gave me time to reflect on what we have lost and what we have gained living with this pandemic.

I won't enumerate the losses. As a speaking coach whose other line of work is live theatre, and whose favorite non-professional gig is choral singing, I have felt the loss keenly.

But what have we gained? More than I would have predicted at the outset. My production company, Pipeline Playwrights, pivoted from our usual spring reading series of new works to a Zoom series of work-in-progress excerpts. This started in April, and was well received by our regular supporters. Even better - we're now able to share our stories with friends and family who otherwise wouldn't have been able to see our work. So we're going to keep it up, and expand on this model with my upcoming reading of Saltwater Farm. For more information on how you can tune in to experience this Zoom reading of my newest play, check out the "In other news" section in my newsletter.

While I was in Maine I visited the area and the homes that provided some inspiration for that play. Here's a photo of one of my favorites.

As I wrote last month, I've also been doing Zoom webinars, coaching doctors (so far, but hope to reach out to other professions). I've been helping them learn strategies for giving effective video presentations for upcoming conferences and meetings, since they won't be traveling anytime soon. I hope to gain momentum with this specific type of coaching. If you belong to an association whose annual meeting is being moved online, I'd welcome the chance to connect with your leadership and event planners. 

On days when the losses outweigh the gains, I find it useful to remember that upheaval and uncertainly have been part of the human condition for quite some time. After all, it was Heraclitus of Ephesus who said, around 500 BCE, "all things, constantly, are in flux and are, in that regard, the same."

New skills for a new world

This is me at work: in front of my handy Shoji screen (an early work-from-home purchase) flanked by my trusty fern, Vern, plugged in to my computer on a Zoom call. I meet with clients to explore how they can turn their virtual communications for meetings, conferences, interviews, etc., into dynamic, memorable interactions. Mastering the technology of your specific platform is a good idea. So is getting all your production elements right: set, lights, sound, costume. 

But the most important thing to consider is how you deliver your message. And I'm not talking about turning off your video and letting your slides do the talking. You need to be every bit as present in a virtual meeting as you would be IRL--maybe even more so--to combat Zoom fatigue. Since we're not sharing and exchanging energy with the other people in the room it's easy to burn out. Even worse, when it's your turn to speak or present, you feel like you're sending your message out into a void, wondering if anyone will really hear it. This is especially true on webinars, when you don't see the audience. I've been doing a lot of these, presenting talks on being a dynamic presenter. So you can be sure I feel the pressure to be engaging every second I am on!

This is where my acting comes in handy. Here's the bottom line: in order to connect with people, not talk at them, you need to look into the camera. Every time you speak. As much as possible. You need to do you homework so you have a clear idea of who you're talking to. If you don't know the exact people you'll be addressing, use your imagination, and put a friend who has a similar professional profile or management style on the other end of that camera. If you personalize your audience this way, you'll be able to connect. To really send your knowledge, expertise, and commitment to your listeners. They'll hear what you're saying, and enjoy the meeting as well. 

A victory in the daily battle against Work From Home fatigue!

A change of heart

Here in Brooklyn we've had a couple of weeks of mostly peaceful (if noisy) protests that often ended in violence erupting shortly after curfew as police confronted anyone on the streets, many trying to get home. If you think the reports of police brutality here are exaggerated, I can assure you they are not.

The scope of these protests has inspired a surge of support, and while some organizational messaging of  "we must do better" is no more than performative activism, I have hope that if enough people use this moment to reflect, educate themselves and -- above all -- listen, institutional and policy changes will occur. But that will only happen when individuals have a change of heart, rise up, and say "enough!"

My hope springs from seeing evidence that change had already started. I witnessed it in late February as I Zoomed to rehearsals for It's My Party! at Bellarmine University. The student actors were grappling with the idea that white suffrage leaders in my play blatantly ignored the important role played by their black sisters. But I understood. At first I had wanted to downplay this part of the story, too, arguing it would take away from the larger arc of the crusade for women's equality. But some very wise colleagues strongly urged me to include the characters' racism in my script. And, since our country's racial division became clearer and clearer over the months I was revising, I wrote a new draft including Ida B. Wells-Barnett.

In my play Ida, a powerful voice for suffrage, confronts the leaders of the majority-white suffrage organizations. They tell her, quite reasonably (they think), that overt inclusion of black suffragists would inflame Southern Democrats, and ensure the suffrage bill's failure. Ida leaves, angrily denouncing them and their Association. She returns at the end, to bask in their shared victory, but also to deliver a warning: the fight for equality won't truly be over until all women are equal.

The actors said they were having a hard time playing characters who were lauded for accomplishing something as major as winning the vote for women, yet whose racism was so blatant. I said a few pithy things about multi-dimensional characters and the acting challenges they present. But I also asked if those historical figures were really so much more racist than people are today. My question seemed to shock them, but I understand after that particular rehearsal there were many difficult conversations between the white actors and the women of color in the cast, and in their larger college community.

That production, It's My Party!'s university premier, was cancelled due to COVID. So that message never reached a larger audience. But those in the rehearsal room began the hard work of looking at themselves, their presumptions and privileges, and doing what Ibram X. Kendi describes in his book How to be an Anti-Racist.

I hope this time of national upheaval has unlocked something in each of us, so that we can continue to grow in our understanding. I won't give you a lengthy list of resources because they seem to be everywhere, except to recommend the amazing 1619 Project, edited by Nikole Hannah-Jones, "The Case for Reparations" by Ta-nehisi Coates (which the Atlantic has made available in this PDF). and the Kendi book cited above. 

And while you are reading, don't forget to breathe...

Breathing in breath-holding time

Back Before, I'd walk three to five miles a day (in good weather) between clients and meetings in Manhattan. I haven't been putting quite that much mileage on my sneakers lately, but I've been doing a circuit through my Brooklyn neighborhood. I'm almost getting used to wearing a mask whenever I leave the house.  And outside it's beautiful these days: spring has sprung and I am grateful to see these signs of hope.. 

Others in my house have found new and creative ways to exercise their bodies and quiet their minds. Everyone I know, it seems, has a favorite online workout. There's even renewed interest in the soap treadmill craze that swept China last spring. Meanwhile, The New York Times writes that some of our new routines may annoy neighbors. People find workarounds, most notably by exercising something else--patience. Because we all understand that New Yorkers gotta move!

As we physically exert ourselves, we're reminded of the importance of breathing, of the power of the single breath. These days I feel that we're existing in a time of cosmic breath-holding. That space of waiting between inhalation and exhalation. As a singer, it echos what I feel when the conductor raises her baton for the upbeat, right before we release our song. In that moment time stands still.

But once time starts up again, once we collectively exhale, our thinking--and the way forward--will become clearer. We'll be actively engaged with the world around us. Whether it's diving back in the pool or walking miles and miles down Broadway, we'll be back and we'll be doing.

In the meantime, don't hold your breath!

What puzzles reveal

Puzzles. We've all been doing them lately, right? And not just to pass the time: puzzles are challenges that we enjoy. But they require patience, Which is probably why it's been awhile since I've spent much time poring over small, oddly-shaped pieces of cardboard spread out on a table. And re-engaging with them has reminded me of that notorious puzzle-related injury, "puzzle neck." In spite of this, they've given me hours of fun, and many insights:

• Often you're looking for a piece with a recognizable attribute (say, the lowest tree branch), and you inevitably realize it has been abstracted into several jigsawed shapes. So you have to find it by less obvious means.

• Sometimes you have that aha! moment when you rotate a piece upside down and it fits. Your previous perspective defined and limited your ability to see.

• After working on a puzzle for an hour or two, you can magically find (in the random pile on the table) the missing piece for that part of the puzzle you're no longer obsessing over.

When we work on puzzles, our preconceptions and frames of reference are upended. A good lesson for this difficult time. We need to look for creative solutions, and be careful we don't overlook something because it doesn't look they way we think it should.

Video Tips You Can Use!

• Make sure you have a background that looks work-appropriate. If you must take your video chats in your bedroom, make sure we can't see your bed! The camera defines the space we see, so find a different angle. Use Photo Booth, Camera, or a similar app to see what your camera sees--before you log on!

• Dress like you're going to the actual meeting in your "business casual" attire. Comb your hair. Put on makeup, if you normally wear it. Not only will you look better on camera, you'll feel more ready to get to work.

• Prepare and organize. Time flies even faster on virtual meetings and webinars. Attention spans are shorter, too. So organization is key if you want to get your message across.

I'll be offering more tips in upcoming workshops.
Be sure to visit my website to see what I'll be covering and when.

March 2020

Tranquility from an earlier time

Wash your hands. Then call me!

Life has been changing rapidly this past week. Many of you have joined me as newly-minted members of the Work From Home club. Welcome!

You've probably already found out that the upside (short commutes, savings on dry cleaning bills, wearing comfy slippers) can be outweighed by the downside.

So many adjustments, so many questions--about everything, especially communication: how do I present a professional demeanor when working from home? How can I communicate via video chat in a way that is confident, calm, and clear when the chaotic world threatens to intrude? How do I maintain focus so I can really connect? 

Luckily for you, I have answers. While every situation is different--from resizing a presentation for hundreds to reshaping that high-stakes meeting--many of the same guidelines apply:

Prepare--like you never have before. Especially if your  communication is of the conversational rather than presentational variety (meetings, rather than webinars).The rhythmic difference between being in the room to communicating through a device (phone, computer) means you can't "um, hmm, you know, like..." your way through things while you search for an answer.

Practice your bridge phrases--IF you do need time to think, figure out a few key phrases that work for you (DO NOT rely solely on "that's an interesting question"). Try "I am glad you brought that up,"' or "we've been working on something similar" that give you time to think. Nail them down by practicing them in the shower, or while washing your hands. For the queries that really stump you, the classic, "let me give that some thought and get back to you" never goes out of style.

Relax--but not too much! Even if you do most of your work on your couch or bed, find a table/chair combo that makes you sit up straight so you can speak with posture that conveys presence(even if you're in sweats from the waist downI).

It's a time of transition for us all. You may feel working on your onscreen/over-the-phone authentic leadership presence is just one more thing to do. But it's a fairly easy way to do some professional development (and self-improvement) that will help you rise to the top once we all get back into our offices.

So call or email me to book a session for you or your team. And I'm available if you need any speech, presentation, or talking points written, revised, or edited. If you want the reassurance of an expert to review your content, get in touch.

I'll be here. But wash your hands first!

January 2020

Making a point while keeping your cool The start of the New Year has found me immersed in revisions of my play It's My Party!,  in rehearsaI now for a March production in Louisville (details below). I'm also working on coaching new speaking clients and prepping for returning ones. In the background, I've been catching bits of the impeachment hearings on the radio. Talk about three very different communications modes! Yet there are similarities: all involve crafting and delivering a narrative to make a point. I've heard effective speaking from several of the House managers at the Senate trial. But outside the chamber, hallway interviewees and on-air commentators drip partisanship and rancor. As a result, many citizens trying to follow this important event find it tiresome or tune it out completely. If only these speakers knew the strategy I first learned in theatre and now share with my clients: Walk people through the story you are telling, connect the main dots, but don't spell everything out for them. Don't tell them what to think! Playwrights (and speaking coaches) call this trusting your audience; give them sufficient information, but don't serve everything up to them, predigested and on a platter! Give listeners space to make their own connections. If they refuse to believe you, or even refuse to listen, no amount of pushing the message at them, speaking in words underlined and bolded for emphasis, will convince them. You don't make your point shouting or sneering. This is not a good sound, a good look, or an effective way to communicate. It belittles listeners. It patronizes then. It turns them off.   That's why revisiting the recordings of Marie Yovanovich and Fiona Hill as part of the House managers' presentation was so refreshing! With their cultivated voices and step-by-step storytelling, they gave details that were shocking, even harrowing. But they never forced that on us. They let us make whatever emotional connection we wanted. They wisely let their powerful stories speak for themselves. I appreciate it when a speaker trusts me, not only by what she says. but how she says it. And I listen more. Which leads to understanding. My prayer for our leaders in this time of political turmoil is that they will someday trust their audience.  But I'm not holding my breath!

December 2019

It's that time of year

I hope this newsletter finds all my readers in the holiday spirit! I know everyone's busy this time of year, so I'll keep it short, but I wanted to share with you some tips for getting through the upcoming cycle of rush-celebrate-repeat:

If you're making a toast, don't panic: Tips for a holiday toast are here . But if looking up that link is too much, it boils down to this: Prepare. Keep it short. And remember: it's not about you!

Get the most out of every party--even neighborhood get-togethers (you never know where you'll make that next great connection). Bring your cards. Have your "cocktail party speech" ready.  Don't have one? Get. one. Here's how...

And remember to pace yourself: alternate your festive cocktails/wine with water. Especially if you're toasting or speaking. Alcohol not only acts as a disinhibitor, it dehydrates you. Which dries out your throat, putting unnecessary stress on your voice during its most vulnerable season.

Whatever you do, don't forget to stop and smell the pine trees, cookies, cocoa. and all the good things that this season brings. The delicious smells of the holidays help us all breath a little more deeply.

November 2019

Autumn in New York

The days are getting shorter and there is finally a bit of a bite in the morning air. There's an energy in New York City that seems to have blown in with the seasonal chill. Everyone one has picked up their pace--not only the 50,000+ Marathoners who ran on Sunday. Walkers are briskly traversing the avenues in leather jackets and chunky sweaters. Greenmarket shoppers are scooping up the bounty of fall's harvest. The rhythm of life, never slow here, seems to have sped up a notch, as if it, too, has to move faster to stay warm.

My work this time of year thus becomes more challenging. When I work with clients, we focus on centeredness. We need to be still, in order to find and manifest authentic presence. To hold onto that, and use it whenever we speak or present, we must quiet the voice of our inner critic and maintain relaxed energy. In a conference room high above the city streets that's not so hard to do. But to hold onto that feeling when descending to those streets, walking elbow to elbow with throngs of New Yorkers and tourists--that’s the ultimate challenge!

A client recently asked me if I still got nervous when I spoke. I was honest, and said yes, especially in high stakes situations, or if I sense a challenge in the air. Then I need to lean on my technique a bit harder. Which got me thinking...maybe this year I'll apply that same concept at the start of the Season of Pre-Holiday frenzy. I'll more consciously rely on my technique, to guard against slip ups caused by a sudden surge of nerves. But that makes sense. It's kind of like doubling up on Vitamin C this time of year--or getting a flu shot!

October 2019

Recharged and Reinforced

I took some time off from coaching clients and writing plays to spend a few days with family in Maine in September. It's always good to take a break, to have a different daily rhythm, to focus on other goals. When I returned, the rest of the month flew by--weekly travel to clients in DC, guest lecturing at American University, workshop-leading, and private coaching. I love being so productive, but my comings-and-goings left no time for newsletter inspiration!

I was delighted, then, to read my own advice in the Harvard Business Review!  No, I'm not quoted there, but I am sure this article by Carmine Gallo will sound quite familiar to my clients: "The best speakers make presentations look effortless precisely because they put so much effort into perfecting their delivery." Glad he backs me up on this!  Practice is essential. And really great speakers know it. They just don't advertise the fact. Rehearsal is repetition, and it's not exciting or sexy, but it leads to presentations that can catapult you to even higher levels of success (see Jobs, Steve).

Gallo writes about major presentations, like TED talks or industry-wide speeches, but the truth is, you need to practice for any speech event--even (or especially) those tough one-on-ones with your boss or a difficult team member. Not the 200 times Jill Bolte Taylor rehearsed her brilliant TED talk , but enough to internalize your message so you don't get tripped up in times of stress.

Want to triumph in your next presentation or sail through any speaking situation with confidence? Listen to the experts. And practice.

August 2019

Beware the novelty act

Now that the 2020 presidential campaign is off and running I'm being asked: What do I think of Bernie's yelling?Warren's wonky performance? Doesn't Biden just look like a leader? I'm in the business of leadership communication, and I appreciate the part debates play in helping voters make up their minds. But I'm all too aware of the fact that performance is not governance. The horse race that engrosses us now is barely connected to actual policies for creating a more perfect union.  

We all remember candidates who captivated us with terrific performances (who can forget Sarah Palin?) until we found out they had very little substance underneath their charisma. Which is why I fear Marianne Williamson's candidacy.  We need to guard against being caught up in her performance as truth-telling outsider. I have heard many people say she made some good points, showed herself to be worthy, etc. I must admit I watched her with fascination, calculating the amount of effort she must have put into her two turns on the debate stage. The fact is, any speaker who works at it can hone a message and perfect a delivery that casts her in the role of savior. It's even easier if she adds a touch of magic and mysticism. 

An ethical speaker shares insights and ideas to solve problems and create new opportunities, but the unethical speaker intentionally inflates her own importance by playing to the audience. Williamson does that when she exploits our greatest hopes and deepest fears ("if you think any of this wonkiness is going to deal with this dark psychic force of the collectivized hatred... then I'm afraid that the Democrats are going to see some very dark days."). 

It's true that successful candidates connect to the hearts of voters as well as their minds. One of the best examinations of this subject is Drew Westen's 2007 book, The Political Brain. Many campaigns I have worked with use Westen's insights responsibly, to good effect. But what of those who seize upon the power of emotional connection and use it as a substitute for critical thought? Where are they leading us? We need to ask ourselves if any fresh-voiced, self-described radical renegade is being at all truthful when she promises to challenge Washington "with courageous love." If a candidate has no actual experience doing anything remotely like what she promises, how can we, as voters, believe her?  We need to shake off this enchantment and demand real answers to serious questions.

I know what power there is in a performance that makes you feel. But politics isn't theatre. Or entertainment. And the stakes are too high for us to be seduced by another novel performer. 

June 2019

When to call in the pros

I recently had an unexpected client: a well-regarded attorney who does a lot of speaking. He's not a person who normally needs help with any sort of speech. And yet... 

He'd been chosen to be the speaker for a community celebration in a large, impressive venue.

People he'd known for years would be there, and he wanted to deliver a message that was smart, heartfelt, and with a touch of his trademark humor. It was very different from his usual type of speech! 

He spent a couple of weeks kicking ideas around, trying them out on friends and family. Somewhere along the way he realized he wasn't getting the job done. So he picked up the phone and called me. 

We tweaked and cut, rethought structure and word choice. He sent me rewrites. We perfected the 12-minute speech in a week! He vowed to practice more than the seven times I recommended. Afterward, he told me it was quite a success. And he even enjoyed himself!

Circumstances forced him to look beyond his usual circle. They meant well, but they didn't have the expertise. It's always good to hear a successful professional say that no matter how much experience you have, often there's something--an unfamiliar theme, unusual occasion, or lack of prep time--that makes you realize you're the one who needs help from an expert!

It's a humbling thing to admit. And can cause some consternation, maybe a bit of panic. But don't worry: I got this!

May 2019

Time disruptions

Have you ever wanted to go back in time? To fix something you did, or right some historical wrong? Even if you could, it would be tricky: backwards time travel carries with it a whole load of unintended consequences. That's why it is makes for good movies, from the classic teen comedy Back to the Future, to the thrilling super-hero adventure Endgame, to the excellent new sci-fi drama See You Yesterday.  So I was excited to read in the New York Times last week that a team of quantum physicists, using an IBM computer, launched five qubits back in time for a millionth of a second! OK, so that's a far cry from Marty McFly dating his mom, but researchers say this discovery holds promise. 

It looks like we'll just have to wait on the time-reversal technology. In the meantime, I could really use some time-stopping technology. Since I moved to New York from Virginia in August, I've spent so much time going back and forth from Brooklyn to DC that I almost meet myself coming and going. So I'd like to stop the clock and have a chance to catch up! If you can relate, you might be interested in some of the strategies that have helped me make the most of the time I have. 

• Get it off your plate--when someone e-mails or calls me with a quick and easy question, I don't "put a pin in it" for later, but try to respond right away. It's done and I don't have to spend time "calendaring" it. Bonus: the person on the other end is eternally grateful!
• Block it--those small things I couldn't get off my plate quickly sit in a pile of notes that grows higher and higher till it's a towering mountain of rebuke. So I schedule a block of time (30 minutes here, an hour there) to "clean up" and deal with them. Sometimes I haven't finished the task when the time is up, but at least I have a clearer idea of how much more time is needed. 
• Turn off your phone--if I need to do a deep dive into a project (editing a client speech, drafting a proposal, or writing a scene for my play) I focus ONLY on the task at hand. I get in the zone. I don't let calls, Facebook posts or (especially) tweets distract me. There is always some shiny object within reach. If I ignore it I finish faster than I thought I would! And guess what? There's an app (actually several) for that! 
• Prepare, prepare, prepare--I really save time in the long run when I allot sufficient prep time for speeches, presentations, or anything that requires me to synthesize information and deliver it to others. Building on a strong foundation, I can discover my thesis, put together a deck, and compose talking points much more quickly and effectively than filling in holes on the fly. 
• Reward yourself--I give myself a break when I hit certain milestones: go get a cup coffee when the first draft is done; allow myself a few minutes on social media (avoiding the sites that raise my blood pressure and take me down a rabbit hole!) after I press "send;" get up and walk around after I've made those crucial edits.

You are in very likelihood doing many of these things already. But just in case you've forgotten one or two of them, I hope this is a good reminder. And when you next put them into practice, send a good thought to me bussing it to DC and Amtraking back to NYC. 

Or start working on that time machine!

April 2019

The Loops of Feedback 

I help my clients develop successful workplace communication skills. And usually that work is fun, positive, upbeat: people want to give exciting presentations, learn to effectively express their thoughts, demonstrate leadership through active listening. It helps them achieve their company's/team's/division's goals. But when talk turns to giving and/or receiving feedback, it's as if a cloud has suddenly passed over the sun and threatens to stay there. . . forever.

I have experienced that visceral dread. But it has taught me some interesting things, which I think will resonate with anyone who has ever found herself stuck in the Feedback Loop of Doom. As a playwright I have felt a chill during audience talkback sessions, a feeling that comes from the fear that my work will be judged and found wanting. Because often, it is. After hearing a play at an early public reading, people give all sorts of "suggestions." Many of these boil down to: "Well, that's not how I would have written this play!" Anyone who has been given such unfocused criticism partway through a project or process knows that this is not helpful. In fact, it slows down the playwright's or employee's momentum, or stops it altogether. 

The best talkbacks happen within a supportive relationship, under a framework of stated rules of engagement. The audience is asked to answer the playwright's specific questions: What moment resonated with you? What overall image did the play leave you with? Which character made the strongest impression? We don't want prescriptions on how to "improve" our work, nor do we want proscriptions.  Give us answers to our burning questions and trust that we'll take it from there.

A playwright, like anyone engaged with a project, wants to know what's working and what isn't. But we don’t trust those who diagnose what's wrong and how to fix it after hearing the piece only once. When audiences (or supervisors or colleagues) offer non-constructive criticism, they put barriers in our way. When they tell us how they would do it better, they undercut our confidence, initiative, creative thinking. And on the flip side, when blanket praise is given--along with a command to do it 'just like that again!"--confusion reigns.

In their excellent article "The Feedback Fallacy"  in the most recent  Harvard Business Review, Marcus Buckingham and Ashley Goodall explore what the latest research tells us about the best way to give feedback. When I read it I immediately recognized the strategies they advocate. Because their preferred method is very like what good talkback facilitators ask audiences to do. "We humans," Buckingham and Goodall advise, "do not do well when someone whose intentions are unclear tells us where we stand, how good we "really" are, and what we must do to fix ourselves. We excel only when people who know us and care about us tell us what they experience and what they feel, and in particular when they see something within us that really works."

I think they're on to something!

Mindful unwinding

I'm back from a lovely trip to Terre-du-Haut on the îles des Saintes archipelago in Guadeloupe. Ah--a warm beach vacation! Just the antidote to my first New York winter. And it's always fun to get away: traveling gives me a chance to get out of myself, to experience new things, to see the world through a different lens.

If you live in a tourist destination, it's useful to view things from that different perspective from time to time. Tourist season never really ends in NYC and I must admit that some days I find it exasperating getting from point A to point B, wending my way through a crowd of strolling sightseers. But my recent experience of communicating haltingly in French and showing up late to grocery stores that close at noon reminded me how challenging it can be to venture outside my everyday world. Which is something I conveniently forget, until I step off the boat and arrive on foreign shores for a week or so. Then I need to get up to speed, stat!

It's also instructive to see how different people handle this transition. Many tourists I saw on our little island were doing basic Box-Ticking Travel, going where their guides or guidebooks led them. They seemed to be having a wonderful time taking pictures of themselves in these exotic surroundings, but I wondered if they were experiencing anything, or just recording future memories. Now, as readers of my newsletter know,  I believe in the importance of being in the moment. Always. Even on vacation. Last time I went to the Caribbean that lesson was reinforced by a long climb up a mountain. This time I was positively luxuriating in the moment on every beach we visited in Les Saintes!

On the plane home, though, I got to thinking about how heedlessly I sometimes go through daily life. I've been in Brooklyn seven months now, so I'm getting used to my neighborhood, my routine. But New York is a pretty happenin' place; I'm not sure I could ever get too comfortable. Still, I need to remind myself to find something new to savor each day, wonderful or grotesque. I need to seek these out if I want to keep filling my creative well. If you need to top your own well off, I can think of no better advice than to live life mindfully, and with empathy for those who are new to your world. Photos are great memory jogs, but no substitute for actual experience you can feel. 

Recall, re-create and connect

Writing a speech is one thing, delivering it is quite another! Many speakers fall into the trap of not allowing enough time to do both. And you've heard the result: wooden, stiff speeches coming from experts who should be really owning their material. Here's why this happens again and again: putting together a good slide deck takes time, so does editing and revising the text. As the graphics-tweaking and word-smithing drags on, the speaker becomes distanced from the original intent of the message. So in the end, they have words on a page or screen. And that's what you hear. Words. Not a message, not the thoughts the words represent.

You want to avoid this kind of dull recitation, right?  Many people think they can sidestep this problem if they go light on their written prep: if I don't have written words, I won't read them! But preparation is key (here are two of my favorite blogs on the subject, from September 2103, and July 2014). So don't skimp on it! Write it down. Once you've crafted the content for your message, your challenge is to connect with your audience. So you have to get off the page, out of your head, and back into your heart and your gut. You need to invest time in the process of creation and re-creation. Ask yourself why you're presenting on this topic, then recall what you felt as you began crafting your presentation. The next step is to connect that feeling to the ideas represented by the words you chose. Put those feelings and images into a mental video that you play as you deliver the speech. You'll recall what sparked your need to communicate, and your listeners will feel that you are fully invested in your message.

This is what actors do; they convey the subtext, the unspoken feelings and ideas under the words that are the essence of the message. Of course, they do it with a twist. They convey someone else's mental video! So you, as a speaker or presenter, have it that much easier. But you won't own it unless you rehearse.

The best gift of 2018!

Being fully present is something that takes some work. And the experts are on it! It seems that research in this area is having quite an uptick lately, so we might assume that the problem of distracted living is a recent development. But many ancient disciplines--meditation, yoga, Quigong, and others--focus on cultivating mindfulness. So it's safe to say that human beings have been having trouble staying fully connected and in the moment (in a nonjudgemental, non-reactive way) for millennia. It's a relief to know that chronic inattention is not a recent development! But that is small consolation to those of us who fight daily to keep our heads in the game. It's especially hard to focus this time of year, when we have so much on our plates: wrapping up year-end business, traveling, shopping, doing whatever it takes to make the holidays more festive than ever!!! To counteract our natural tendency toward distraction, we need to double down in December. Put mindfulness at the top of your to-do list. Don't let your morning yoga routine or your walking meditation fall by the wayside. With the stress of so much to do in such a short time we need these activities to keep ourselves grounded, centered and sane. So make time to do this work on yourself, for yourself. And if you need more motivation, there's this: your friends and family will appreciate it, too! Nothing says "I care" better than really being there for someone, listening with your whole heart and mind, and providing that calm foundation that we all need, but rarely find. It's the season of giving: so let your presence be your present!