The Meeting by Man Ray, from the Smithsonian American Art Museum

Has this ever happened to you: You are given a "golden opportunity" to join your peers and superiors in a meeting to present work with which you are very familiar--largely because it is your work or your team's work. You try your best to prepare, but it's hard because you don't get an agenda on time. You figure you will just "follow the lead" of others who attend this meeting regularly. You gather your notes and talking points. You breathe. And then you are asked to go first. No hint of where to start. No indication of what your colleagues want to know. No guidance, no direction. What do you do?

I have heard variations on that story from a few clients. And I tell them: It's OK to ask. Really. Instead of guessing what your focus should be in that meeting, ask: "What, specifically, would you like me to address?"; or "What are you most interested in hearing about first?" How else are you going to make the best use of everyone's time? You may not need to unpack the whole process or walk them through all the details. They may just want to know the results.

It's really OK

But asking seems "awkward" for most of us. We don't want to do it for fear it will show we are out of our element, that we don't belong. That we are not "up to the challenge." Which further confuses us. Most of this stems from our bodies' instinctive response to the physiological stress of being in the Speaker's Bubble. You know the feeling: you are in an alternate reality, in the spotlight, under the microscope.

The fact is, no one knows it all. And remember, you are at that meeting in the first place because you likely know more about your topic than anyone else. Last week I blogged about how important it is to trust yourself when put on the spot. Extend that trust to this situation. Asking questions when you need clarification or guidance is certainly preferable to muddling around in the weeds until you get to what people really want to know. A secure person is fine with admitting she does not know where to begin her explanation, that she needs to know just which questions her listeners want answered. That is not an insurmountable obstacle.

Ask any successful leader: knowing all the answers is not the key to leadership; knowing the right questions to ask is. So, when you are put on the spot, unsure of where to start, think like a leader. No one has all the answers all the time. But ask the right questions and you'll be well on your way.