Meaning in melody

I sing in a choir surrounded by film stars! Well, that may be an overstatement, but while I was living in Virginia, my once-and-future choir at The First Presbyterian Church in the City of New York filmed the pivotal last scene of Greta Gerwig's 2018 film Lady Bird. When I saw my fellow choristers up on the big sceen I almost fell out of my seat! Now I am back singing with them. And I am envious when they talk about their quarterly residual checks. But I understand. I still get checks from Disney+ for my long ago role in Wall Street (though they keep getting smaller and smaller with time).

As a current choir member, I've been immersed in The Holidays for a few weeks now, since I have a mountain of music to learn for upcoming concerts and services to celebrate Advent and Christmas. Even as I try in every other aspect of my life not to be one of "those people" who rushes into Xmas before the turkey is defrosted.

But music has also been on my mind lately as I've been working with clients who want me to help them sound more conversational when they speak in public, whether in meetings, presentations, or in promotional videos. In my practice this issue comes up a lot, and of course I have thoughts! Melody is key. And I blogged about incorporating tonal variation in speech most recently in May 2021.

So, as you become inundated by holiday music in the next weeks, think about how to put more melody in your message. As the song says:

Soon the bells will start.
And the thing that'll make 'em ring
Is the carol that you sing
Right within your heart!

Keep those questions coming!

I delivered a workshop to graduate students on one of my favorite campuses this past Sunday morning. It was a perfect early fall day. Since my participants were giving up part of their weekend, I knew they would be eager to learn as much as they could in our short time together!

Their concerns ranged from the general ("how can I feel less nervous/more in control when I speak?") to the specific ("what three steps can I use to build a good and clear question when I attend a roundtable or other speaking event?"). I spent most of my time addressing their common concerns about nerves, focus, and control. To the student who asked how to frame a question, I regretted that I couldn't give him three sure-fire steps that worked universally, as these would doubtless be specific to the occasion.

But on the train ride back to New York, this question bounced around in my head. And I have come up with three general steps to make sure you ask a good question every time you attend a speech event or panel with built-in Q & A time:
1) Before you go, ask yourself why you are going. What do you want/need to hear from this expert? What advice/enlightenment do you expect to glean? Is there anything specific they can help you with?
2) At the event, take notes. Not only does this help you stay engaged as an active listener, you will likely find that you have circled, underlined, or otherwise identified the very point that needs clarification, follow-up, etc.
3) When your opportunity to speak approaches, you need to breathe and stay centered. So you can ask the question you intend to ask effectively, maintaining clarity and focus after to actually hear the answer. (This would have given me the perfect way to circle back to the instruction and exercises I had already delivered: how to speak with authentic presence! )

I love working with students and clients who aren't afraid to ask me questions that might seem outside the scope of our session. It makes me think. And I would wager I'm not alone. So - whether you can feel more comfortable with my three steps, or have your own method for how to frame a query, keep asking!

Seems like old times!

The view from a favorite spot in Maine for long conversations with old friends!

Since I last wrote this newsletter I have had two very nice extended weekend visits with old — I mean, long-time — friends. Of course we've been Zooming, but it is so much better to spend time in person. We picked up right where we left off the last time we were together (in one instance it had been four years). I am sure many of you had similar reunions this summer. They were gratifying connectional experiences. The very best of private communication.

I have been thinking about why that is, and this is where I have landed: We share a language, forged over time and space, shared experiences and shared eras. Context isn't everything in communication. But it comes pretty darn close. And because we are all "of a certain age," we grew up with a common vernacular, even if we spent our formative years in different regions of the country. We all have young adult children, so we must also stay on our toes, linguistically-speaking, to understand them.

None of this is news, of course. But it highlights the reason we might not always experience this ease of communication in our professional lives. Because words derive their meaning from context, they change from season to season and from place to place. Merriam-Webster recently added 370 new words to their dictionary. Some of them (i.e., "supply chain") are surprising because you assume they would already be in the dictionary. Others I have never heard of, like "pwn," come from a world (gaming) completely foreign to me. When you start doing a dive into word meanings and origins, you may find yourself in a wonderful (as in filled with wonders, the meaning Shakespeare uses) new world.

Words are symbols for thoughts, and as our lives flow on, we are presented with situations where we see and think in new ways. Then we need to add words or shift the sense of existing words. So if you consider something an ironclad "term of art" in your industry because a thought leader coined it a decade ago, or because your professional association uses it frequently in their newsletter, it's best to keep an open mind. And open ears. Today's context may be becoming outdated even as you read this. Whether you approve or not, language is like a river, ever flowing, ever changing. Best to keep swimming!  

When your playing field's a stage

Left to right: Sally Imbriano, Lenny Mendez, Rebecca Kiser, Nicole Ruthmarie in Patricia Connelly's "Heartand," directed by Catherine Tripp

Earlier this summer I put on my Producer hat to shepherd Patricia Connelly's new play Heartland to production for Pipeline Playwrights. I have been a fan of this play since well before the pandemic, so I was thrilled to see it fully realized, not just onstage, but (after our videographer worked her editing magic) available on screen as video-on-demand. Hundreds of people had a chance to experience the story Pat shared, brought to life by our talented director, cast, and creative team.

The concept of "Teamwork" is so ubiquitous it has almost become meaningless. But as I sat in the back of the theatre, the reality behind that concept hit me like a Mack truck. Magic unfolded before my eyes. Magic that was only possible because everyone worked together. I am not a "sports" person, but I still believe in teams!

There is a unique satisfaction in watching a show you nurtured reach its successful opening night. Even if you've seen how the sausage is made. Maybe especially if you've seen it: the bumps along the way, missteps that make you realize your team is
made up of mere mortals. Who try things that don't work, try again, get a bit closer, then land on just the right way to convey the original vision. Or who kickstart a process for adapting that vision to accommodate realities of budgets, timelines, humanness. Everyone recalibrates a bit, makes a few tweaks, or course corrects, and voilà! We have a show!

I often liken the day-to-day reality of my consulting career to the one-woman show I toured around the country for 16 years. That experience gave me the technique I share with clients who want to speak with authentic presence. But when it comes to coaching them on communicating with others to reach a desired goal? My mind is back in the theatre, wearing my Producer hat, assessing how we can get there as a team.

Speaking of democracy . . .

Tholos, the Agora, Athens, called the "heart of Athenian Democracy.”

The January 6th hearings have been riveting television, but I am mostly listening to them on the radio. Some speakers are less than compelling, so I turn them off and catch video highlights later. But Cassidy Hutchinson was mesmerizing for her entire testimony last month! It wasn't just what she said, it was how she said it. Measured, poised, yet fully conscious of the gravity of her message. And urgently aware of the need to share her story. She exhibited immense courage. And vulnerability.

Her account was regarded as "explosive. " And it was. It was also active. She wasn't just reciting details to the committee, rattling off bullet points as some do when stressed and under scrutiny. I could hear in her voice (and have since seen on video), that she was reliving the moments she was sharing, even as she was sharing them. Of course she exerted enviable control, never becoming fully re-immersed in any moment, nor "editorializing" with her verbals and non-verbals. She was, as we say of actors working with a solid script, trusting the text.

She was actively showing us what transpired on that awful day. She painted such a vivd picture we could actually see the ketchup dripping down that wall, the broken china below. That act of speaking, of speaking up, speaking out, speaking truth to power, is essential to democracy. As my recent visit to Athens — where every night 17 citizen Senators slept at the Tholos, ensuring the people's safety — reminded me, "eternal vigilance is the price of liberty."

Upward

Agia Sophia, Monemvasia, Greece

I returned last week from a glorious holiday in Greece! My husband and I planned our vacation to explore the vast history of that corner of the world (and relax when we were had satisfied that craving). It was the perfect Covid-era vacation because the places we visited were all outside. And even though it was hot, it was a breezy-to-windy, and dry.

We saw the Acropolis, of course, and a total of four ancient theatres (three Greek, one Roman). We hiked up to three castle sites (in Nafplio, Monemvasia, and Plaka), walking up paths that date back to the Bronze Age.

Our favorite was the castle town of Monemvasia. We spent a wonderful day there meandering through the stone streets of the Lower Town, ascending through the Upper Town, then hiking up winding, steep, rock-strewn paths to get closer to the ruins of the old fortress, all the way up. It was not an easy climb. But every so often we'd stop, take a water break, and marvel at the view of the town and the blue Myrtoan Sea below.

And then we'd start back up. Eventually we reached the end of the path. The tip top of the rock was further on; we'd have had to blaze our own trail to reach it—which did not seem wise given the impending sunset. We were rewarded with stunning views of the sea and the storied Byzantine/Venetian church, Agia Sophia.

I love hiking up new paths. The metaphors come so easily then. It's just like any task: put one foot in front of the other, and soon you have reached your goal. Of course, when climbing up paths that are made of irregular stones hundreds of years old (including slippery marble!), you need to observe, assess, and think about each step. Which is also like life. If you break down any task, from preparing a speech (as my current clients are doing), to producing a play (as I am doing), and take each step thoughtfully, you'll get there.

Savor the process. And when you reach your goal you'll be able to enjoy the view!

Let's get physical!

My favorite personal fitness trainer, Leo Biette-Timmons
has tips for getting more movement into your life!

I recently watched the Oscar-winning movie CODA, which is a wonderful film. I highly recommend it: see it if you haven't.

At one point in the story (I'll try to avoid spoilers), the central character, Ruby, finds herself singing alone onstage, very much in the spotlight, under a fair amount of stress. She begins so badly that her accompanist bungles a chord so they can start again. Ruby takes a deep breath and tentatively begins. Soon, however, she is singing with her fingers, signing the lyrics to Both Sides Now. And she comes alive!

This underscores the theme, of course. Ruby is caught between a desire to pursue her dream of singing and the duty and devotion she feels to stay with her deaf family. But this action of signing her song illustrates a universal truth about communication. Relying solely on sound to communicate (words, lyrics) only delivers part of your message. In order to share its full value, you need to feel it in your body - to embody your message. Watching deaf actors sign in this movie really makes that point! They engage their whole physical selves, and even if we don't understand verbatim, we know what they are saying. When we add physical energy to our words, our message is stronger. And freer. Anyone who watches little kids perform in school or church choir knows that if you give them props (palm fronds to wave on Palm Sunday, for instance) they stop being shy and self-conscious. And they fully engage in the "now."

One of my clients recently had a lightbulb moment when he stood up during a radio interview. He found his energy flowed better, as did his speaking, Using your whole body— instead of feeling stuck in one spot, disconnected from your physical instrument — can make a world of difference not only in how you deliver your message, but in how it is received. If you embody your message, you automatically connect with your listeners and conversation partners.

So look alive! BE alive! Get your body into it!

Getting to the root of it all

One of the questions I am most frequently asked by clients and prospective clients is "How can I get my audience to really understand my message?" The answer: Preparation, Parts One and Two. Most people stop at Part One: choosing the words. But whether you've crafted paragraphs or bullet points, you're only halfway there!

The harder part is getting ready to deliver that prepared message. You must be able to commit to your words. Listeners can tell when you disengage, when you’re just saying what you wrote last week or this morning. So let me share a tip from my former life as an actor: You need to understand—and convey!—your subtext, the underlying meaning.

People who write their own material often skip this part, thinking of course they know what they are saying. But are they passing that meaning on to their listeners? Maybe. Maybe not. When you put your message into words, you basically assign mutually agreed upon symbols (words) to convey the underlying meaning (the thoughts, images—sometimes even feelings—at the root of that particular communication). When you go back and deliver these words in a speech event, if you don't recall/reimagine that root meaning, so many empty symbols will just fall from your mouth. You may have checked some sort of box, but you haven't made yourself understood.

Take time as you practice your speech (even your bullet points!) to make sure you are connecting with your audience by conveying the foundational meaning signified by your well-chosen words. Then they become more than "just words"; they'll grab listeners and keep them engaged.

A perennial favorite

Every month when I set out to write this blog, I try to address issues raised recently by clients. This past month I found myself repeating advice I have been giving since the start of my practice. Which should make me happy (at least from a business model standpoint!) knowing that there will always be a new crop of people who need this professional advice.

So I reached all the way back to November 2011 for this gem to share with you. It's even more relevant today, I think. In this New Normal of Zoom and virtual/live hybrid, there is a sense of disconnection. As a result, our speaking/presenting rhythm is disjointed--and often, faster.

My clients come to me for different reasons, but they express many of the same concerns. One I hear most often is, "I want to be able to think on my feet" or "I need to learn how to speak off the cuff." Clients are a bit dismayed when I tell them I have no magic wand to immediately make them extemporaneous geniuses.

I do have strategies that I share, which vary according to client and situation. But one general rule I tell everyone--slow down! The benefit of this is two-fold: it gives you time to think about what you are saying before you say it (which, we can all agree, is a prerequisite for sounding intelligent), and it helps you avoid those filler words which at best are a minor annoyance to the listener, and at worst make you seem disorganized and unfocussed.

Try slowing down today; what have you got to lose? Just a few "um"s, " you know"s, and (cringe) "like"s that you and your listener will not miss at all!

Plus ça change. . . !

When a speech is a turning point

Queen Elizabeth II, 1957
photo credit: BiblioArchives / LibraryArchives, CC BY 2.0, via Wikimedia Commons

Since I often jump on bandwagons when they come around the block the second time, I am just now enjoying Season 2 of The Crown on Netflix. The other night I caught up with Episode 5 (airdate Dec. 8, 2017), and was amazed I had not heard about it before. Because that episode portrays a watershed moment for the Queen that leads to what today we'd call a "rebrand": transforming how she communicates with The People.

This episode depicts, apparently with quite a bit of accuracy, the occasion when the Queen's speaking style, as well as her speech content, were roundly criticized by a self-described "committed monarchist," Lord Altrincham. In August 1957, he wrote an article in National and English Review (a magazine he managed and edited) where he decried the Queen's speaking style as "priggish," "hollow," and “frankly 'a pain in the neck'." He also suggested that the Queen needed to replace her "tweedy," tone deaf speechwriters with people more in touch with her audience. So that words of encouragement meant for "the common people" wouldn't sound like dismissal and disparagement.

The Crown conjures a scene where Altrincham has a secret meeting with the Queen, advising her to modernize her image. As far as historians know, this meeting did not take place, but others did. The urgency of Altrincham's message reached the Queen. As a result, she curtailed some of the palace's dated, elitist practices, and added new, more egalitarian ones. In some circles Altrincham is credited with saving the British Monarchy. Whether he did or not is a debate for someone else's newsletter. But his critique of Queen Elizabeth's communications style, her old-fashioned, stiff, disconnected way of speaking, gave way to a more modern approach, one the Queen acknowledged herself, shortly after Season 2, Episode 5 of The Crown aired.

My takeaway? Don't be the Queen and wait for a really bad speech to be your wake-up call. Get out in front of the problem. If you're not connecting with your audience, change your content and delivery. Maybe change your perspective, too. Because you don't have her job security.

Go with the flow

Lately my clients and I have been focusing on the natural connection between the movement of their bodies when they speak and the tone and rhythm of their speech. When I point it out, they are usually unaware of this link, and somewhat surprised. But it makes perfect sense to me. I know that for each of us our instrument of communication is our whole self.

Maybe we've all been sitting and staring into computer cameras too long! At any rate, I am noticing that, in addition to overly relaxed speaking verging on vocal fry that I noted last month, their gestures these days are almost exactly mirroring their delivery. For example, when my speakers make sharp gestures for emphasis, like bringing their hands together in a clap, or slicing the air with karate chops, they sound disjointed and mechanical. So even if they are sharing their best story, or leading us through a fascinating process, it is next to impossible for us to follow them. They have no flow.

Is their bodily engagement reflecting--or initiating--the percussive vocal rhythm I hear? I will leave that to the researchers. But what I have observed is that if hands are chopping and slicing, the message is halting and difficult to parse. There is too much emphasis on too many words for the listener to tease out any sense. Or the tone is too aggressive, assaulting the ears. And that's not good!

So I've started asking these clients to incorporate large, rounded, open-handed gestures as part of their preparation. It really smooths out the mountains and valleys of tone, and helps them convey complete thoughts to their listeners. It seems odd to them at first, but after a while these "rehearsal gestures" are dropped. And what replaces them? Gestures and body language that come from a flowing, focused, integrated energy. A tone that supports the message. And invites the audience in.

Seeing with my ears

Colossal statue of Claudius seated and depicted in the act of speaking
Naples National Archaeological Museum, photo by Carole Radotto

My clients come to me for a variety of reasons: big presentations coming up; interviews; sermons. But I also have clients who want to become more effective in internal meetings--better able to make their point across the conference room table.

Many of these clients send me recordings of their meetings to review and give feedback. Often these are audio only, so I can't see what they are doing. But I can ALWAYS hear when they are losing focus, becoming a little too relaxed on their business calls. When they aren't presenting with presence.

You might think that sitting at home, Zooming into a call with colleagues isn't an occasion that calls for your public speaking presence but you'd be wrong. What I hear from my clients is often an unsupported, flat tone that all frequently travels back in their throats and results in the dread "gravelly voice" or "vocal fry." Definitely not a professional sound--and certainly not one that signals confidence or elicits respect. Because unless you have amazing technique, you have not developed the muscles to support your sound when you deviate from a "sitting up straight" posture. Some of my clients intuit this and stand while speaking as much as possible.

Here's what's even more surprising: when my clients are speaking in this "relaxed" way, their language becomes cluttered with filler words. Not only that, I hear their thoughts becoming jumbled, their arguments less clear. Often I need to rewind the tape to try to sort out what point they are making. I can actually pinpoint the moment when they lose their thread; it is often signaled by that flattened or gravelly tone, which comes from lack of breath support. In short, physical presence and clarity of communication go together.

Long story short: if you're speaking and find you are getting too much into the weeds, or that your train of thought jumps the track, take a breath, sit up straight, and reclaim your presence. Your listeners will get back on board. Clear communication will be resumed.

And I'll breath a sigh of relief!

Comic confusion

"Abbott & Costello Doing Who's On First" by slgckgc is licensed under under CC BY 2.0

Recently I had the chance to experience a live rendition of the evergreen comic masterpiece, "Who's On First?" by Bud Abbott and Lou Costello. I had forgotten how restorative it is to share in collective laughter! And while it's not the same as being in a roomful of friends, if you need a good laugh right now, head over to YouTube and watch this work of genius. I'll wait. . .

I am certain there have been many pages written and much ink spilled parsing precisely why Abbott & Costello's brand of comedy works so exceptionally well here. But I'd like to offer that it hits a little too close to home by reflecting much of our own miscommunication. We don't want to admit that, of course: we would never be as dense as Lou. And if we were in Bud's place, talking to someone that confused, surely we would try to figure out why.

But don't we find ourselves having this type of conversation, over and over? Where we find out, after the fact, that our conversation partners have been using terms in markedly different ways than we have? Sometime hilarity ensues, but usually we end up with a mess on our hands.

To assume that you are always speaking the same language, using words in the same way as those around you is, in fact. . . absurd--as anyone who has sat through a jargon-filled meeting can attest. Bud and Lou could have cut to the chase if one of them had just stopped and asked, "When you say "who," are you asking a question? " and "How are you using 'what' here?" Confusion is possible even with commonly used words and phrases. There can be many variations that stem from occupational, regional, generational, and a whole host of differences.

So next time you feel "silly" seeking clarification, ask yourself: am I doing a comedy routine or do I really want to connect?

Slow down if you can't stop

One of the great things about technology is that it enables us to work from anywhere, anytime. But this easy connectivity can feed our urge to instantly reply to/comment on any email, text, tweet, etc., as soon as it is posted. You have likely been the recipient of such hasty or thoughtless communication. And yet, much as we know others jump too fast on e-communications. we can't seem to train ourselves not to do it. We think we are exceptional, "quick thinkers". Or we are being efficient. And while I understand that, in work-related communications, speedy replies are often asked of us, I also know that cleaning up the mess we create through this kind of insta-response takes more time than crafting a well thought-out reply.

I am not pointing out anything new. But this problem came up frequently with my clients over the summer, especially as we've relied more and more on remote work and non-verbal communication. And I was wondering how I could help my readers. Could I give you a tool to embed this fact in your subconsciousness, so you reflexively alter your behavior and save yourself some grief?

I thought about this for a millisecond and landed on the answer: this catchy tune from the Broadway show Mean Girls. While this song is specifically about teens' indiscriminate use of texts and social media, it can also apply to anyone who uses e-communication as a professional relationship-building tool or as a way to get info out quickly. And I promise, it will become that annoying earworm that sticks around. I hope you'll hear Damian urging: "Honestly, everyone stop!" the next time you're tempted to send before you think.

Playing during lockdown

A Very Present Presence Zoom World Premiere featuring Jennifer Pagnard, Diane Cooper-Gould (top: L, R), Erin Denman, Nicholas-Tyler Corbin (bottom: L, R).

As we emerge from our COVID caves, and the world opens up again, I hope we remember not only what we lost, but also what we gained during this trying time.

I had a very unusual but gratifying artistic experience: a full production by Pipeline Playwrights of my magical ghost story play, A Very Present Presence, on Zoom! Thanks to all of you who tuned in for this World Premiere. It was fascinating to watch the process of "staging" a play on this platform. My director Catherine Tripp became our Chief Invention Officer by virtue of inventing a new visual language for putting my story onstage on the screen.

My actors had to re-invent, since they were forbidden from doing what they naturally do--look into the camera. (Ironic, considering all the times I have said to clients as they polish up their Zoom skills: "if actors can learn to look into the camera, you can too!") And if that didn't pose enough of a challenge, they couldn't look at each other on their screens either. So they put post-it notes all over their walls, computers, furniture to remind them where to look. They recreated the world of the play while making no eye contact whatsoever! Quite an unusual feat--and one they carried off with great aplomb. Though they found it difficult, they all commented on how much their listening skills deepened during this process. I will definitely ponder that insight. And incorporate it into my coaching practice.

I don't know if/when we'lI need this hard-won knowledge in the future. But I do know that the whole experience expanded my view of what theatre can be and what it can do. And that the very human urge to keep telling stories can surmount just about any obstacle.

Some people can't wait to "get back to normal." But we all discovered resourcefulness and resilience over the past 15 months. That is powerful. Hopefully we can use these lessons learned to make sure the Now and the Future offer more and better possibilities than the Before.

Melodious messages

When people begin working with me, I urge them to listen carefully to other speakers. Take mental notes of who does what well, and learn from the mistakes of others. A couple of clients have lately told me that their industry norm seems to be tedious speaking. Too many of their colleagues are monotonous in rhythm and pacing, and deliver their messages in a monotone. Was this a "thing," they wondered? Some kind of secret best practice that I wasn't sharing? I answered with questions of my own: how attentively do you listen to these speakers? Do you observe other colleagues drifting off, yawning, checking their phones? Was there a lot of follow-up to deliver information you should have heard in the speech?

Though industry standards vary, none that I know of recommend their speakers put people to sleep. "Then why do so many of my colleagues sound so boring?" clients ask. The simple answer is that many professions place little importance on the development on "soft skills." Head offices say effective communication is a "core competency," but the truth is they offer minimal training in it. They must be operating under the assumption that good speakers are born, not made.

Of course you can learn to be a better speaker! You can train your voice to have more vocal variety: expand your tonal speaking range, pick up your pace, vary your rhythm. Speaking is a physical activity, and those of us who coach speakers actually have exercises (physical and vocal, not just mental!) to help you do all these things. You won't become the next Pavarotti (or María Bayo, above), but you'll get more music in your message. And if you have some singing, speaking-on-pitch, or other exercises for vocal variety you haven't used in a while, dust them off. In a world full of flabby, boring speakers, you can be the change

Stay on the path

Recently, while watching a speaker on Zoom, I found myself. . . .wandering. He wasn't boring, exactly -- he had plenty of enthusiasm, was energized about his message, used lots of gestures, threw in a few topical stories. All characteristics of an engaging speaker. So why wasn't I engaged? I wasn't tired, or hungry, or particularly preoccupied with a problem at hand.

After he finished, I reflected on what he had said. I had the gist of the main thought, but try as I might, I could not remember his supporting points. Were there three? Five? I recalled snapshots, bits of story and thought strung together, but not in any order that I could follow. And so I couldn't remember how he reached his conclusion. Which made me doubt that conclusion. Not to say I doubted his credibility - because he is an expert, well respected in his field. But as far as this particular message was concerned, I was not "sold." 

I offer this a reminder that -- especially in these days of Zoom fatigue -- we need to give our listeners a clear roadmap if we expect them to follow us. That's the best way they can reach our conclusion with us. Many people shy away from the old "here's what I am going to tell you; here I am telling you (points 1, 2, 3); now I have told you" formula because they think it dry and unimaginative. But your audience is not filled with mind readers. So if you're going to eschew this way of mapping your speech out for them, you need to double down on other auditory signposts: "first," ''second," 'that brings us back to," etc.

It's your job to keep them following you on the trail of your story. Don't take detours or meander, no matter how pleasant that scenic overlook just off the path may be. Unless you want to lose your audience along the way!

Spring has sprung!

I just returned for a walk around my Brooklyn neighborhood and it was entirely rejuvenating! The sun was out, coffeeshops that had closed have reopened, previously vacant storefronts were bustling. NYC slogged through a long, hard winter, but now it's bursting with new life!

There are still some vestiges of the dark days of the past year, though: signs in windows and trees festooned with messages of thanks to our first responders. I hope we never forget how they helped us through those first months. I said my own prayer of thanks for them and their steadfastness in the face of so much horror.

But, as often happens on a walk, my mind free-associated, and I thought of a conversation I had recently with a client about his business communication style. He knew that being reactive is not a good way to manage, so he was trying to be more proactive in all his speaking and writing. But that still wasn't working for him. I read some sample correspondence, and steered him toward a better approach.

Take the idea of active away altogether, I said. Don't be re- or pro-. To clarify or convey information, or answer questions, the best approach is to be responsive. (This is where my mind went after thinking of first responders, you see.) Before you show your vast array of knowledge, before you "take charge" of the conversation, you need to make sure you are responding to what you're being asked, what the situation is, who's asking, what they already know, etc.

Because it doesn't matter if it's your direct report, your boss, or your client. They can't read your mind. So you need to say the parts you instinctively rush over in your eagerness to give the right answer.

Connect the dots. Let them in on your thought process. They'll follow your logic and understand your answer better. You may even cut down on the confusion that leads to that endless loop of follow-up question-clarification-further question-and-so forth-and-so on. . . .

That'll give you more time to go enjoy the beginning of a beautiful season!

Avoid that messy clean-up

January was full of events, some of them quite messy. It took a lot of work just to get through the month! But we're here, in February. And we've turned a page. We can even see a glimmer of the light at the end of the tunnel. 

But we've got this month and a few more to get through before we fully exit that tunnel. At our house, we're spending that time finally watching all of Schitt's Creek. Just in time for their Golden Globe nominations! The show provides a terrific bit of escapism. The writing is sharp, the directing is clever, and the acting is amazing. As a fan of Catherine O'Hara and Eugene Levy from their early days playing with other brilliant comedians on SCTV, it is a treat to see their talents so gloriously displayed.

It's comfort viewing, so I usually just give myself over to the world of Schitt's Creek. But last night (in Season 6), my communications coaching reality intruded. I don't think I'm giving anything away to disclose that by Season 6 Moira Rose finds herself in the spotlight once again. She is doing a remote interview from her room at the Rosebud Motel, while her daughter Alexis (now her publicist) desperately tries to keep Moira on message with giant cue cards. Moira's an actor, so you would think she'd know how important it is to stick to the script. But Moira has a very healthy ego. So she "riffs" a bit, expanding upon the agreed-upon text. It is very funny, and perfectly in character.

But you're not Moira Rose. So don't do this. It's tempting, when you have an audience hanging on your every word, to extemporize and go off on whatever tangents you fancy. And it's not just interviews. I advise clients to avoid this trap in every meeting by having talking points and staying on message. Sticking to the script isn't being "canned" or "stiff." It's being prepared. Sure, it takes a bit of time to think about what you want to say before you say it. But spending that time to prepare will help you help yourself. Think of all the time you'll save after the fact, when you don't have do a "clean-up in aisle five." Or anywhere else! 

No need to wrap

I'm taking a minute away wrapping, shipping, baking, decorating, and generally catching up on my seasonal errands to wish you all a festive Holiday Season! I know this is for most of us the weirdest December in memory, but we're going to get through it. And then, as a recognition of our patience and resilience, we win the prize: A New Year! Goodbye to 2020 and all its tragedy and disappointment.

In the spirit of the season, I'm giving a gift to you, my faithful readers. As you know I was Zooming before Zoom was cool, and have been coaching speakers and offering webinars on communicating with professionalism and presence over Zoom. And I'd like to give you this One Foolproof Tip for making sure your message is heard, even by audiences tempted by WFH distractions. Here it is: Look at the camera!

I know I've said this before, but this is the single biggest thing you can do to grab your listener's attention. It's not necessarily easy to retrain yourself to look at the camera rather than people's faces when you talk to them. But think about it: when you look at them to see their reaction, they aren't really seeing you if they can't see your eyes. You are putting yourself, your needs (to "read" them---which is even more impossible than usual on a virtual platform!), above their need to see you! So when you're in a meeting and feel the urge to look at your colleagues when you make your point, remember: you have a 100% better chance of connecting with them if you stifle that urge and focus on the camera.

Zoom meetings and presentations won't be going away anytime soon. Those who have mastered this medium are already reaping rewards. I could point you to articles and research that reinforce this, but you already know it's true. My gift, then, is really more of a challenge: Just do It!

And have as Merry-as-Possible a Holiday!