The best gift of 2018!

Being fully present is something that takes some work. And the experts are on it! It seems that research in this area is having quite an uptick lately, so we might assume that the problem of distracted living is a recent development. But many ancient disciplines--meditation, yoga, Quigong, and others--focus on cultivating mindfulness. So it's safe to say that human beings have been having trouble staying fully connected and in the moment (in a nonjudgemental, non-reactive way) for millennia. It's a relief to know that chronic inattention is not a recent development! But that is small consolation to those of us who fight daily to keep our heads in the game. It's especially hard to focus this time of year, when we have so much on our plates: wrapping up year-end business, traveling, shopping, doing whatever it takes to make the holidays more festive than ever!!! To counteract our natural tendency toward distraction, we need to double down in December. Put mindfulness at the top of your to-do list. Don't let your morning yoga routine or your walking meditation fall by the wayside. With the stress of so much to do in such a short time we need these activities to keep ourselves grounded, centered and sane. So make time to do this work on yourself, for yourself. And if you need more motivation, there's this: your friends and family will appreciate it, too! Nothing says "I care" better than really being there for someone, listening with your whole heart and mind, and providing that calm foundation that we all need, but rarely find. It's the season of giving: so let your presence be your present!

Tis the season!

Every year the holiday-themed displays in big box stores creep earlier and earlier into the fall, so I have gotten used to tuning them out. But as the snow fell (and fell!) here in Brooklyn on Thursday, it was as if a bell had rung, waking me up to the fact that The Holiday Season is just around the corner. And as the evergreens start to appear, I thought I'd reflect upon one of my "evergreens"--communications issues that crop up regularly in my practice. This particular one bears some consideration as we enter a holiday season of professional and collegial socializing.  

A client was discussing some workplace communications issues that had been brought to her attention. Her boss suggested she could solve them by "being more authentic." She nodded, of course, but shared her concerns with me. "Everyone places so much importance on being authentic; they say it helps the office culture. So we all need to 'just be ourselves' all the time. I feel I'm being honest, but I want to maintain a distance between my office self and my at-home self." And she is exactly right! I have blogged about this before (What is authentic authenticity?), echoing the sentiment of a New York Times headline that made me laugh:  "Unless You're Oprah, "Be Yourself" is Terrible Advice ." 

This buzzword "authentic" does not mean unfiltered! Few people in our personal lives--not friends, spouses, and certainly not children--want to see what's really going on in our primal, private inner selves. So why should we share those thoughts and actions with office mates? Bringing this point up to those who insist on it doesn't really get you anywhere, though. But take heart, this "authenticity mania" will wear itself out eventually. In the meantime, my client and I devised some strategies to give her more flexibility with those who chide her for not being "authentic" enough.  

True authenticity--being fully present, communicating with an open mind, responding appropriately to the situation--is a wonderful thing. But just like you wouldn't show up to a gala in torn jeans and a dirty tee, you don't want to show up for work without your professional communication mindset. "Authenticity" is a worthy goal, but not when people misinterpret it to justify their own laziness.

Acting the part

Last week I was running a webinar for a leadership development program. The participants were senior level, super-smart scientists located around the county. Before I got to the meat of the session, I said (as I always do) that I might use some familiar words, but maybe not in the way they generally used them. I hate jargon, so I don't use "in group" vocabulary of communications professionals or theatre people unless I am speaking to those groups. Still, I try to be careful about defining my terms, but there is always something that slips through. In this case, the word was ...

"Actor." Well, not the word, exactly, but the concept.  

I talk a lot about authenticity, and the importance of finding your own authentic leadership voice, And the key to that is discovering your own presence, which I liken to an actor's stage presence. I then go on to explain to the participants how they can each go about finding their own presence, which in turn helps them embrace their authentic leadership style. When I opened up the discussion for questions,  I got one I hadn't expected. The concept of an actor being authentic seemed confusing. Actors do the opposite, don't they? They're not really themselves, because they become other people, right?

That stopped me for a second. 

Somehow I had forgotten about this common misconception. I guess I mistook the popular, pervasive obsession with actors for at least a limited understanding of what they do. But it seems many fans of movie, TV, even stage actors don't really know how their favorites create such compelling illusions. The fact is, actors need a high degree of self-knowledge, self-confidence, and grounded-ness to be able to do what they do. It takes training and discipline. Actors do not shed their own skin and put on someone else's, no matter how much their PR myth-making machines might insist that they do. To have the presence of mind and body to be able to fully be yourself--yet fully portray another person--is the craft an actor works on for years, if not a lifetime. No matter how much magic they create in the audience's eyes, actors are not sorcerers who can switch themselves off and step into another life. If they were, they'd have a hard time coming back to their own lives and picking up the kids or doing the grocery shopping. Which I know they do. At least in New York! 

I felt a twinge of regret bursting the questioner's bubble. Like a parent coming clean about the Tooth Fairy. But the good news for non-actors is this: it's not really all that magical. You, too, can learn how to get your own brand of presence. And maybe a little bit of stardust! 

Back in the Big Apple!

I have officially been here a month now, and, in spite of a couple dozen boxes that remain unpacked, I am settling in. These past weeks I have been exploring my new Brooklyn neighborhood, and reacquainting myself with neighborhoods I used to frequent.

My work slowed down a bit for this move, and this gift of time has given me a chance to engage in a lot of listening. I meet friends for lunch, go the the theatre, run errands, and dip in and out of several universes. Because New York, to borrow a phrase from Brooklyn's own Walt Whitman, "contains multitudes,” it offers me an incredible chance to listen to how people use words, tone, rhythm to convey meaning. When I am followed down the street by someone on the phone, I get a mental picture not only of the speaker, but of the person on the other end. Of course, for a playwright, this is an amazing resource to be able to tap into as soon as I walk out the door!

As a communications coach, it reminds me of the importance of connecting with listeners by speaking a language they understand. This does not mean you are a chameleon, exactly, and adjust grammar, structure, and vocabulary to match every person you communicate with. But there is a natural tendency to modify our own cadence and phrasing as we mirror that of out conversation partner. I hear that, too, when I am walking near people engaged in conversation. They speak a common language, creating a subconscious connection that can lead to real communication and exchange of ideas. But when one person steadfastly refuses to meet the other halfway--in style, vocabulary and/or tone--communication is blocked. With these people “winning" becomes the purpose of all verbal interaction.  It is an infuriating, highly inefficient way to try to get things done. These exchanges often result in a fight, or a stony silence ending the conversation. Sometimes the person being shot down/shut out storms off in anger or frustration. Not a happy thing to witness.

But hey! It's New York! There's drama (and lots of comedy) on every street!  Just listen.

Sage advice takes center stage

I love the Tony Awards! I fantasize about being there someday to celebrate my own work or the work of my friends. And though I rarely get to see all the nominated shows, I try to see a few. This year I was lucky enough to see The Band's Visit and Three Tall Women, both of which won multiple awards. The acting inThree Tall Women was the best I have ever seen (!), and Glenda Jackson and Laurie Metcalfe very much deserved the honors they won. Sadly, this masterpiece of theatre closes Sunday, June 24th.

But musicals can live forever, which may be why they have a special place in my heart: Broadway cast albums last far longer than the original run of the show. So you can revisit the magic again and again, as I did last week when I listened to The Band's Visit.  I won't elaborate here on why this score by the amazing composer/lyricist David Yazbek is so special. I just want to direct your attention to two songs in Act Two. The first one is the show's comic number. In it, Papi, a teen who can't seem catch a break, describes the paralyzing nervousness he experiences when he tries to go on a date:

And my tongue gets big
And I can't move my knees
And my eyeballs freeze
And all I see's a tunnel
And there's cotton in my head
My legs are full of lead

And my brain goes deader than the Dead Sea
Dead, dead
Dead in the mind and I find that I kind of
Go into an infantile trance
I'm peeing in my - not literally - peeing in my -
But, you know, I may as well be - peeing in my ---

This is followed by a tutorial from Haled, one of the visiting musicians of the title, and a self-defined master of romance. He tells poor Papi that it is all about getting the focus off of yourself and your own nervousness. His advice? 

You melt the ice
You melt yourself
And soon you're all one puddle
You talk, she talks
It's not about the conversation
The words are like your lips, are reaching out
To kiss the ear

Both these songs about date-induced anxiety contain wisdom that extends beyond the realm of romance, to anything that causes nervousness and panic. Public speaking and presenting, for instance! It’s always about making that connection, the real connection that can only happen when you are not all wrapped up in your own head, your own doubts and fears. Find the soundtrack and listen to it. I'm pretty sure you'll be enchanted by the story it tells. And you might take something away that serves you in real life!

***Photo courtesy of Matthew Murphy
From left, Rachel Prather, Etai Benson and Ari'el Stachel in The Band's Visit

Use the right tools

Spring is here, and that means it's time to tackle those home repairs. Last week I had a nagging plumbing problem fixed, and it's such a relief! I'd been searching for months for someone to do a seemingly easy job: replacing the leaky pipe leading to my outdoor spigot. But finding the right plumber meant I needed one who had the appropriate tools. I thought "how hard can that be? Plumbers all have tools for this, right?" Apparently not. 

While the plumber was fixing my pipe, I made a connection between his work and my work with clients. Because I often find myself urging them to find the tools, processes, and systems that work best for them.  Preparation is the key to being an effective speaker, but if you lack instruments to help you prepare, and the right places to store that preparation,  you can still fall short of your speaking goals. 

Many of my clients do most of their business speaking over the phone: client pitch meetings, status updates, reports.  And many, who would of course do lots and lots of preparation for a keynote or panel presentation, go into their calls with a jumble of notes jotted on scraps of paper, or a few bullets in a document on their screens. Because if you're on speaker and not video, clients and team members can't see your lack of organized preparation...or so goes the conventional wisdom. But people do hear when you're scrambling to find a critical piece of info. Even if you have it here somewhere, they can tell that it's not where it should be: at your fingertips.

It's always refreshing to share a success story! A new client, who was already big on prep but knew she needed some help, followed my advice and looked for tools to make the most of her phone meetings. And she found a notebook with which to create an organizing system that works for every type of call she'll have. With a small investment of time upfront, she was able to convert a wide variety of notes into a handy folio of information that she will use time and again. She has told me that she is already more confident and present on her client calls. And others have noticed, too.

Take a minute and review your tools. You're smart. You know your stuff. But if pertinent info isn't right where you need it when you need it, you run the risk of being like the first six plumbers I contacted: unable to get the job done.  

Carving out meaning

It's My Party! cast and creative team

Recently I had the great privilege of seeing my words come to life onstage, at the premiere public reading of It's My Party! at MetroStage in Alexandria, Virginia. My director and I had assembled a top-notch cast to portray the various historic luminaries (and some fictional foils) involved in the final push to pass the Suffrage Amendment. The play was extremely well-received, and we had a good discussion afterward. Some of the feedback puzzled me, though, because things people said were missing (details of plot, character, etc.) were actually there! I had to ask myself: is this a problem that could be fixed through the rehearsal process, i.e., an acting/directing problem, or is it a script problem, for me to fix? As a playwright, I wrestle with this. For example, I have to consider how much to emphasize a critical plot point, so that everyone "gets" it, while also trusting my audience to figure things out. It's a tricky balancing act, but I'm working on it as I revise It's My Party!, and write a new play for this summer's Capital Fringe. (more info here).

So it is with an odd sigh of relief that I turn from playwriting to working on client speeches. After all, in creating a play I have to generate personality, voice, information, relationships, etc., etc., for multiple characters. Writing a speech seems pretty straightforward in comparison. Speeches are directly addressed to an audience. The speaker portrays one character (Expert, Leader, Teacher), and delivers a clear message. And, in a good, easy-to-follow speech (the kind my clients deliver!), the speaker reiterates the main points of the message no less than three times. The audience cannot fail to "get" it. Of course, as with the theatre-going audience, you don't want to belabor the point or bore them silly. But the sweet spot between an opaque speech and an overly simplistic one is pretty wide—and easy to hit! 

And unlike a play, where everything is created out of thin air, a speech begins with a specific focus: a need to be addressed; information to deliver; followers to inspire. You've got a head start, because the overarching substance of the content is there already. The challenge is deciding how to impose structure, sharpen the language, and clarify the message with compelling examples. In my mind it is more a process of revealing. You're like a sculptor who begins with a large block of subject matter, and you go to work chipping away till it conveys exactly what you want it to. Then you can give the audience the absolute essence of your message. Many speakers fail to do this and you hear unfocussed/unfinished messages that somewhat resemble unrecognizable blobs of hacked-at marble. Take some time to refine. Works of art aren't created overnight, and neither are effective speeches! 

Rethinking thinking

One of the high points of my recent trip to London was a compelling production of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar at the new Bridge Theatre, directed by Bridge's founder, the brilliant Nicholas Hytner. This play is startlingly relevant at the moment. And Hytner has underscored that relevance, streamlining the text and giving it momentum that does not stop for a nanosecond. I have never experienced staging like this: I had tickets to stand on the floor, where I joined others to became part of the story, literally standing in for the Roman mob whose shifting political allegiance drives the play. We surrounded the actors, whose playing space was constantly changing: large portions of the floor lifted up for various scenes, so action moved quickly, As eyewitnesses to unfolding events, we moved around them. Tension mounted and the threat of violence ratcheted up in the second half of the play. I have never before experienced a play so viscerally. 

It wasn't just the proximity to the action that drew me in. It was the complete authenticity of the actors. Standing practically next to them, I felt their intimate connection to the story. One moment in particular stands out: early in the evening I was about three feet away from Brutus (a thoughtful, almost nerdy Ben Whishaw). He was sitting at his desk, arguing with himself whether or not to join the plot to kill Caesar. As he was thinking out loud I saw him: completely, wholly, believably Brutus. And I was struck by the depth of emotion and thought that radiated from his very being. But I didn't see a brilliant actor, because it was not at all about him. It was about active engagement in the thought process. It was--as all acting is--about action, about doing. Even when what we are doing is "just thinking." 

Engaging in powerful thought is action, as I tell my acting students and my speaking clients. You don't have to push or make things happen in order to be interesting. But if you are fully committed to your thoughts you will be completely in the moment. Because when you are actively thinking about what you are saying and why you are saying it, you physically and mentally connect with the images that led to the thought. And because of this connection, you are immersed, engaged, as you speak. Your audience will sense it, whether they are "groundlings" at a theatre, or your leadership team in the board room. That is how you become authentic and project authenticity. That is how you pull your listener into your story, so they believe it, too. Don't second-guess yourself. Commit to your message. Commit to the thoughts behind what you are saying. You'll nail your performance. And you might even be asked for an encore!

It's more than just the notes!

I was lucky enough to see the incomparable Orpheus Chamber Orchestra rehearse and perform at Carnegie Hall this past Saturday. I was expecting a great concert, but what I got was a masterclass in communication! Orpheus is a "conductorless" classical music ensemble. Each piece is led--but not dictated or driven--by a different member of the ensemble. As that member is also playing their part. They are all highly skilled professionals, of course, so you would expect them to know their music inside-out.

But they go further. Each and every one of the 27 members of Orpheus internalizes the music, and communicates it physically. And while not unusual for pop musicians, this degree of movement is not that common in the classical world. Musical instruments fuse psychically and artistically with musicians to interpret the composer's vision. The music emanates from each artist's entire being. You can see the rhythm conveyed through their bodies. Some are more physically expressive than others, but each seems to be inside the music, not so much playing it as living it. They feel each other's movement, even as they hear each other's harmonies and musical lines. Being so attuned on so many levels is the only way any ensemble could ever succeed without a conductor.

This concert tackled some pretty intricate compositions by Brahms, Mozart, Hayden, and it was a wonder to behold. To have such a high degree of trust, to be open enough to communicate that freely, was this music-lover's and communications expert's idea of s perfect evening. We should all be so connected when participating in our various "ensembles"!

The hard truth about the easy way

Happy New Year!

As we turn the page and begin a new year, many of us seek guidance to achieve our New Year's goals. But all too often, the experts we consult-- especially in this quick-fix, instant gratification world--offer This One Thing  or One Big Tip that will change your life. If you've been on this planet for any length of time, you know, deep down, that nothing is that easy. And yet....

Recently, Expert Public Speaking Trainer offered One Easy Way to Become a Great Speaker: "Just think about your message." On the other hand, International Communications Coach cites "Never stop trying to read your audience" as The Key to Success! Now which one do we believe, since it is virtually impossible to do both of these simultaneously? Neither one.

The truth is, of course, somewhere in between. If you only focus on your message, you run the risk of disconnecting from your audience. And if you are constantly trying to read them (a fool's errand, at best; see my blog, here), you disconnect from yourself. Effective communication depends on maintaining the basic communications loop: Speaker sends Message to Listener who then sends feedback to Speaker. So you have to be mindful of your audience, but not to the point that it takes you out of your speech. And you have to focus on delivering your message, but not to the point of ignoring your audience. It's a balancing act that requires self-awareness, as well as preparation. And lots of practice.

If it were true that One Big Tip was all you needed, wouldn't there be more successful speakers in the world? Public speaking still ranks high up on the list of people's fears, so we know many find it a challenge. Fortunately, a good coach understands that every speaker has their own communications strengths and weaknesses. In my practice I help each of my clients find a path that leads to greater speaking success. It may not be the easiest path, but it will  be the one that helps them become the best speaker they can be. So they'll just have to come up with a new resolution for 2019!

Ann's Top Ten

This seems to be an appropriate month to share my Top Ten List of Tips You Can Use!

These are the tips I am tempted to share every month, and if you've been reading my newsletter over the years, you might have run across them a few times. They are evergreen: not a week goes by when I don't share most of them with clients.

(Of course, you know I have a thing about orgainization and too many main points. So I have "clustered" them for easier comprehension.)

For speaking events: Delivery

Breathe Every day I hear people who forget to do the most basic thing before they start to speak: Breathe! Even if you haven't had a chance to do your daily breathing/centering warm-ups, taking a good deep breath will help you speak with energy and focus. 

Take up your space! Standing tall when you speak makes you seem bigger and bolder--even if you're small of stature or an introvert! Use that knowledge and embrace your power--don't shrink from it. 

Practice may not make perfect, but. . . it sure helps you feel more present, more connected, more in the moment. But you know this. So do it!

For speaking events: Content

Prepare yourself Overpreparation is a myth. "Speaking from the heart" is overrated. You know this if you've sat through disappointing, confusing, boring speeches. But if you want my take you can read about it here, here and here. 

Simplify, simplify, simplify Your clarity of expression mirrors your clarity of thought. If listeners get lost in your dependent clauses or confusing vocabulary they'll stop listening. Simple sentences with active verbs will keep your audience with you. 

Less is more Use three main points, possibly four, per speech. Organize and practice so you will finish in less time than you are allotted. This allows time for Things To Go Wrong (which they do) as well as Q & A (which audiences love).

Kill the PowerPoint Or at least cut it down to size! Don't be lazy and just put your outline up. Find a thematic visual that reinforces your theme. Or just tell the story. Revisit my blog post to find out why.

In meetings/conversations:

Put on your neutral face Yes, RBF is a real thing, but you can minimize it by practicing your "zen face:" relaxed, not super-smiley, just a little less intense. Making a few muscular adjustments can make a huge difference in how others perceive you. 

Don't know? That's OK---You can't be expected to know everything, but you should know where to find the answers.  Don't make things up: chances are someone else in the room will have Googled the real answer by the time you've finished. 

Keep your eyes on the prize In high-stakes conversations it's easy to become distracted from your main goal. Stay focused: remember your objective. Phrase that in as few words as possible and repeat it internally like a mantra when you feel a derailment coming on. 

Put down the megaphone

I've had an interesting few weeks: my clients have spoken in a variety of situations at home and abroad. It's been fascinating learning about their topics as I help them prepare. But different as each of these experiences have been, we always start the same way: by framing their content in terms of a conversation. My speakers may have an hour to present their great ideas on a stage the size of a football field or twenty minutes in a conference room, yet they are all speaking with people, not talking at them. Why? Because communication implies, at the very least, a two-way street. The speaker is engaging the listener who is processing what the speaker is saying. If a formal feedback loop is not built into the event (i.e. a stand-alone speech without Q & A), the listeners will find a way to respond informally, if not directly to the speaker herself. 

Many seasoned as well as emerging leaders understand the concept of engaging in active listening. But understanding and actually doing it are two different things. And, to be honest, active listening isn't the easiest thing to do, but it can be taught (see my blogs about how here and here). Over time it can become relatively easy to listen that way when you're engaged in the less formal communication of conversation. The tricky part comes when you integrate that kind of listening into your formal speech events. But mindfulness of the other always must be present in your speaking, as you develop your content with the audience's need in mind, and as you work on communicating with and not at (see above).

My clients have had lots of success lately using this strategy for speaking. But I have seen and heard myriad egregious example of speakers who broadcast their message--those who just throw their words out and splatter them all over the audience. (Virginia is home to the perpetual political campaign, so I am exposed to far too many examples of What Not To Do a regular basis). That is not effective communication. And it is bad leadership strategy.  

If you want to read about listening as a good leadership strategy, take a look at this oldie but goodie from January 2014. 

These myths have got to go!

I spend a lot of my time debunking myths about public speaking. I can't believe that in 2017 some of these are still being passed off as "conventional wisdom" to unsuspecting clients, but I have had to undo their effects too many times! Those of you who have been reading me over the years know how I feel about this. But just in case you need a refresher, here are the two things you need to stop doing TODAY to be a better speaker:

Myth #1: Always start with a joke! I think this is the worst piece of advice anyone can give you. In fact, I would immediately be suspicious of whoever tells you to do this. Because if you start by telling a joke you will almost certainly fail. You can see my various takes on why this is such a bad idea here, here and most recently, here. Even professional comedians sometime bomb. And since all humor is culturally-specific, your joke will either offend or be misunderstood by a high percentage of the audience. Even back in the old days, when everyone guffawed at jokes told at Rotary luncheons, there were those who didn't really "get" them. They may have laughed along because it was expected, but the humorous misfires didn't lead to any bonding, or establish the speaker's credibility. Quite the opposite.    

Myth #2: Always try to read your audience. Really? There are too many "experts" out there who can help you "read" your audience. That is nonsense. And a waste of your valuable time. I have written about why in posts here and here. To give you the highlights, though: people are bundles of contradictions. The idea that you can delve into the innermost thoughts and feelings of a relative stranger while you are conveying your message in a meaningful way is ludicrous. Again, our example of professional stand-up comedians is instructive. They do need to be able to "read" their audiences, and so they spend considerable time honing this specific skill. Why? Because they are in the business of entertainment. You're not. You have a message to deliver, not jokes. You do need to engage your listeners, but if you focus on their moment-to-moment reactions you are not fully serving your message. And let's be honest: how many of us can accurately "read" our nearest and dearest, let alone a roomful of strangers?

Unjumble your language

Yesterday I dropped my daughter off at the airport, on her way to London for graduate school. Many thoughts were going through my head, as you can imagine. Amid the vortex of concerns and emotions I remembered George Bernard Shaw's clever reference to the United States and England as "two countries separated by a common language." Most of my readers probably can attest to the truth of this. Even J.K. Rowling had to change the title of her first Harry Potter book to reflect linguistic differences!

If hearing English-language words used incomprehensibly reminds you of overseas travel delights, you're in luck. You don't have to cross the Atlantic to get that special feeling! You can just walk down the street pretty much anywhere and trip over a big pile of jargon, or its odious cousin, business speak. You know what I mean: that gobbledygook that is constantly used inside your office, but has no actual meaning on the outside. A lovely list of the most annoying of these phrases was generated by Forbes in 2012; I am sure it could be much larger by now. 

My clients will tell you I am pretty demanding when it comes to eliminating jargon from their presentations. This is especially difficult with slide decks, where the jargon exacerbates the prevailing problem of too many words. Such slides say nothing to me, so I ask clients to explain them. Often they cannot. Jargon has muddled the meaning. Which is not so good when your goal is to communicate your ideas! Cut out the jargon and you accomplish TWO big things: you no longer alienate those not privy to the particularities of your usage; and your message is easier to understand. If your goal is to communicate clearly, you need to use language you and your listeners share.

Before you say "well, she doesn't know my industry; certain buzzwords are expected--and we all know what they mean," let me tell you what I have noticed. When I try to tease out definitions for these phrases, it becomes clear that this jargon is often understood quite differently by the many people who use it. That's because few of them ever really asked what was meant by those particular words. It was a badge of belonging to use them--so they just assumed a meaning (and you know what happens when you assume!)

It takes a while to break bad habits, but it's worth it! Unjumbling your language will clarify your meaning. And do your friends and family a favor right now--stop using business speak and jargon outside of the office. And start sounding like the authentic you again!

The expressive self

Summer is a busy time for me: I teach full time for a pre-college summer program at American University's School of Communications, meet with clients, and try to sandwich in some creative work as well. This year I am researching a play I hope to have drafted by December. I also wrote a one-act that will have its premiere reading on Labor Day (see info below).

And I have seen some amazing theatre in NYC and D.C.: A Doll's House, Part 2;  Natasha, Pierre and the Great Comet of 1812; and An Octoroon. I highly recommend them all!

All these activities got me thinking once again about the intersection of public speaking and acting. I keep coming back to the fact that acting is about action. To see Laurie Metcalfe physicalize the pain and frustration of Nora Helmer as she paces the stage like a caged animal, or to watch Jon Hudson Odom transform before our very eyes into three extremely different characters is to experience the essence of great acting. Because in acting, as in life, it's not just the words you say or how you say them that reveals your thoughts and feelings. It's how your body expresses them, clarifying--or contradicting--the words themselves.

Acting teachers and directors tell actors "show, don't tell," and as a playwright I follow that advice, too. The fact is, we are all so much more than our words. And that truth is fundamental to the art and craft of drama.

Just as acting is about acton, so is public speaking. My students will tell you I drum this into them: "speaking is a physical activity." And my clients hear me say "get out of your head and into your body!" But the truth is, to effectively communicate you need to do more than think about and organize your ideas. That's just the first step. To get those ideas in front of others (literally) you need to a way to get them there. And since we haven't evolved to using the Vulcan mind-meld, speaking is, by necessity, physical. So you must engage your body as a communications tool. Easy to understand, hard to do. Often students and clients tell me they have practiced when they have only "gone over" their presentations in their minds, not putting the words in their mouths and getting the speech into their bodies. And then they wonder why they stumble and fall!

Get physical. Use your body as an expressive instrument. I don't mean plot out your gestures or be overly concerned about "body language." I mean tap into the energy that is at the core of your being. That is the essential you. That makes your spin on any topic, any argument, any pitch uniquely, authentically yours. Give yourself permission to use your body when you speak. You'll feel liberated and free. And wouldn't that be a nice change?

The power of stillness

I recently had a couple of clients tell me they want to walk around the room "Oprah-style" while delivering speeches and presentations. I understand their temptation to move. Conventional wisdom on public speaking says walking and talking is preferable to standing frozen in one spot. As if there are only those two options! In fact, standing still—with presence—is a highly effective way to convey authority and leadership. This question of movement vs. stillness comes up often with clients. I blogged about it last in October, 2013. But since we now have shorter attention spans than goldfish, here is the updated and condensed version:

Have you ever wondered how some people can command the room when they speak, whether they are behind the podium, at an interview desk, or in front of a casual gathering? They have presence. They "own the room." There is a perception that such ability automatically descends upon those who attain positions of power. Au contraire;there are many who should have presence but don't (this is my current favorite example, so wonderfully awful I hope you will overlook the fact that it's not from a live event). 

The fact is that presence comes from being physically at ease, centered, still. No fidgets, no wiggles, no shifting. No pushing the message at people, but rather, drawing them in. Those who possess presence are not still as in "stiff;" they are still as in "grounded." It's a simple concept, but a hard one to master. 

As an actor, I rely on breathing and posture exercises—similar to yoga—to attain "centeredness." It takes some time to undo years of self-consciousness and self-criticism. And it takes trust that when you are put to the test, your body will remember how to keep the wiggles out and the stillness in. You are not aiming for statue-like immobility. Far from it! You are seeking to actively manage a potentially terrifying situation. Your body needs to have practiced this inner calm so it can kick in and mitigate your natural fight or flight instinct. 

The hardest part comes at the beginning of your speech. This is normal because speaking is, after all, a physical activity. But the activity of speaking has to do with breathing and vocal production, not shuffling feet, wiggling shoulders, shifting weight from one hip to the other or aimlessly gesticulating. These all signal the opposite of what you might think ("Look at how comfortable I am!"). They signal that you want to run, or hide, and are not at ease enough to stand still, to be open and vulnerable.

Master the presence of the leader's stance. Be still in a room full of noise and movement and you will command attention, even before you say a word.

photo: still waters at QianHai, Beijing

Respect the ice

How many times have you been in a group of people you kinda sorta know and you hear "ice-breaker!"? I am sure many of you, like me, feel a sinking feeling when you hear this phrase. "Great! Ten minutes wasted on glorified chit-chat. Why don't we all just take a break and gather 'round the coffee urn? It would be as productive." 

The fact is, ice-breakers can help people in a room coalesce into a team. That is, if the ice-breaker is well-thought out and properly designed. But too many meeting leaders just use it as a way to "creativity" start an otherwise boring, by-the-books meeting.

A good ice-breaker is aimed at a specific group, which is meeting for a specific purpose, with a specific goal in mind. Once the ice is broken, the meeting that follows purposefully leverages whatever connections have been made. But all too often the ice-breaker is a "check the box" exercise. And just as often, it fails.

Reccently I have experienced examples of ice-breakers that had the potential to horribly backfire. In the first instance the assumptions built into the ice-breaking questions came from a place of privilege. If you can be sure everyone in the room has an answer to the question "where will you summer this year?" it might be OK to ask. (BTW, this is only slightly more over-the-top than what I heard recently.) But an ice-breaker is used when you do not know people that well. And if even one person in the group doesn't understand, or does not have an answer, you are defeating the purpose: to foster connectivity, communication, and find things you have in common. Instead, you have made someone feel "other," quite possibly inferior, and definitely separate.

Gender, cultural and geographical differences can also play into the destructive potential of ice-breakers. Chatting with co-workers in the break room about sports can lead to informal bonding, but asking the assembled group to start by naming their favorite sports team can be disastrous--for any number of reasons: not all women (or men for that matter) follow sports; American sports are vastly different from sports worldwide; NFL fans will assert the superiority of their league; and God help you if you have Yankees fans and fans of any other team! You see how easily an ice-breaker can lead to a conference-room brawl? 

Of course I exaggerate. Most people, in these situations, will exercise proper professional decorum. And while you may never know that your senior manager feels like a poor relation because she doesn't "summer on the Vineyard," or that your new hire just had his feelings of being an outsider reinforced, you have cast a chill on their participation just the same. Which is the opposite of your intention when you try to break the ice. 

When funny isn't

It's an old story: "comedian misses target, shoots self in foot." We expect that when amateur comedians, and even professionals, are trying out new material in a comedy club. But when they are acting as MC for an awards luncheon, the job is somewhat different; they need to walk a finer line. I am sure they know this, intellectually. But they cannot resist. So it shouldn't surprise me when something like this happens. Vanessa Bayer was tasked with providing an opening monologue, so I guess we could cut her some slack for thinking she was the entertainment. But her real job was to honor six women at Variety's Power of Women luncheon. So even if she was going to throw in a joke, she should have made darn sure it wasn't going to be one that would denigrate a woman, especially the mother of one of the honorees. But her friends who saw her rehearse her monologue probably told Vanessa it was "edgy" and "cool," and so she went with it. And bombed. 

I understand this is an occupational hazard for comedians. Sometimes the jokes just don't work. Even for the pros! So why do non-professionals insist on sticking random jokes in their speeches? Just last week I had to lay out my argument for excising a joke from a client's speech. As you can tell from the date of this blog post I have been singing this tune for years now. But the problem seems to be getting worse, not better. These days, with increasing pressure to include "tweetable moments" in every public appearance, speakers are trying to up their game and social media profiles by including a few "zingers" and "one-liners." My advice: don't!  You can make straightforward statements of belief, share compelling snapshots of your vision, and/or dazzle us with the facts in ways that resonate well enough to be tweetable. But leave the comedy to the professionals! If even SNL stars can't get it right all the time, realistically, what hope do you have?

It starts with structure

I finally got to see Hamilton on Broadway late last month and it was as amazing as everyone says! Since I am both a history buff and a theatre person, I was pretty sure I was going to love it. The music and story are familiar to me by now, but what really impressed me was the staging, choreography, and very specific use of space. The choices a director makes regarding the set, and how the actors move through the space defined by that set, reveal volumes about his plan to bring words and notes to life.

I also marveled at how the show's creator, Lin-Manuel Miranda, shaped the script. I have read the Ron Chernow biography, and I have written a few plays myself based on history and biography. So I am always intrigued to see how other dramatists pick and choose which part of a true story to tell, how to minimize the need for "artistic license" while condensing a life or part of a life into two hours and change. I settled into my seat at the Richard Rogers Theatre that night with a few questions about the structure of Hamilton. But they were all answered when I saw the play. The choices Miranda made worked perfectly in the fully-realized production. Any holes I perceived were due to my partial experience of listening, not seeing.

I bring my playwrights' perspective of structure to my work with speaking clients. When crafting speeches we often run up against the same issues a playwright does: where to focus our story, which parts to tell, and how to structure the telling so the story is fully revealed. Often this means making decisions that are as painful for my clients as cutting a favorite character is for me. Or eliminating the third Cabinet Battle must have been for Lin-Manuel. But we have to be selective. We have to hold back some of the things we want to share, otherwise we confuse the audience. If we give them too much information or lead them down a mental side street we can lose them before we get to the main point. And then we have set ourselves up for failure, because audiences stop listening when their enthusiasm and interest evaporate.

Some of my clients realize this, but many don't think issues of structure and right-sizing pertain to their material or occasion. They think getting to the point is all that matters. So they do some sort of vague intro at the beginning, tick off their main points (often with far too great a level of detail) and conclude with "any questions?" And they wonder why their audiences are not engaged!  

Take a tip from those of us writing plays whose source material covers decades, miles, and casts of thousands: find the essential story you want to tell and make sure everything you utter is a part of that story. Cut anything that is not (speakers, unlike playwrights, can save those bits for the Q & A). Your audience will stick with you. Because everyone always wants to know how it ends!

Second bananas and comic relief

Last month I shared my current theatrical activities with you. This month I am up to my eyeballs editing the galley proof of Becoming Calvin--tedious, but necessary. On the opposite end of the creative spectrum, I was thrilled beyond words last Monday to share the magic as my incredibly gifted actors (pictured here) brought A Very Present Presence to life.

So I have been laser-focused on the details of language, immersed in what language reveals about character. The degree to which someone speaks in an organized fashion, for example, conveys much about their mental state. One way to show that a character is a bit addled, whether by habit or circumstance, is to depict him as engaging the mouth before engaging the brain. Or speaking in sentence fragments, or in a repetitive rhythm that alights again and again on certain words like a mantra or verbal talisman. As a writer, I use these characters sparingly, because they never actually say anything; they think the act of just making noise is enough. And so they don't further the plot, or generally underscore the theme. They provide comic relief, and are usually put onstage to interact with the protagonist, to reveal something about her character, something she, in turn, can act upon.

That is one reason I find listening to our current President so unsettling. I am not used to seeing the comic supporting characters take center stage! And there is good reason for that: they are not the ones who have anything of consequence to say or do. Putting these second bananas in the spotlight subverts the whole structure. Which can be the point, I suppose. If you are a brilliant playwright like Tom Stoppard, you can turn two minor characters into leads in Rozencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead and use that device as a springboard to meditate on truth, art, and reality.

Maybe that is what people love about Donald Trump. That subverting of existing structure. That vision of someone "just like me" up on a pedestal: "he's no leading man but he is our leader!" Regardless of how they feel about his policy, anyone who cares about professional standards agrees he does not sound like a leader. Even in last Tuesday's scripted speech, read off of a teleprompter, he could not let go of his need to extemporaneously improve the prepared text. As the odious reference to the length of the standing ovation for Carryn Owens proved, he cannot discipline his discourse.

I find fault with this, but wonder if that is part of his attraction--his lack of coherent communication. That much praised "telling it like it is" won over 28% of the nation's eligible voters in November. Even though he is now The Winner, he still speaks like someone put onstage for laughs. We doubt his intent, because his muddled communication style ensures we never really know what he is saying. Which suits him just fine! It also allows him considerable leeway. He can say, as he did while campaigning in Iowa, "I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose voters," and most of the public thinks that is comic exaggeration. But is it? Many of his supporters say he doesn't really mean everything that comes out of his mouth ("you should take him seriously but not literally.") Others believe every word, and are now gleefully celebrating his actions by saying "he's doing just what he said he would!"

If you squint, you might be able to see this as a brilliant strategy. If a speaker does not look or sound like a leader, we will never expect thoughtful leadership from him. Playing the second banana gives him latitude to say and do whatever he wants. But unlike a play, where such a character's actions and words cannot do much to derail the plot, this is real life! So his mode of communication, far from being the useful smokescreen supporters want it to be, is actually extremely unethical. And highly dangerous. It also seems oddly familiar to me, like I have read this play before. Actually I think I have written this play before...in a very early draft! When a supporting character takes a detour that threatens to lose the entire cast in the wilderness, you see the red flag. That means cut, edit, rewrite. Get that character offstage if you have to, and by all means never give him the lead in a scene.

What is the real-life equivalent, I wonder?